


Toon South

by dsa_archivist



Category: Animaniacs, due South
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-06
Updated: 1999-05-06
Packaged: 2018-11-11 01:04:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11138151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Pinkie and the Brain watch a Due South ep





	Toon South

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Toon South
    
    
    From: Jenn Scott/Mindwarp 
    Subject: NEW DSA STORY Toon South 1/7
    
    Disclaimer: All Animaniacs characters and concepts belong to Warner Bros.
    All Due South characters and concepts belong to Alliance.  No harm is
    meant to any and all existing trademarks and copyrights.  If it doesn't
    belong to either of the above corporations, it belongs to me! Please
    do not repost or archive without prior permission.  Comments, criticism,
    and chocolate may be sent to. 
    
    Three notes: first, this takes place before the Due South episode "Juliet
    is Bleeding".  Second, the word "@@@@h" is used to denote a hesitant,
    drawn out "aaaah", as spoken by Yakko.  Finally, credit is due for Pinky's
    "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" response to my wonderful husband
    (who puts up with my weirdness), Shaun Scott.
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    

# Toon South  
or  
"We should've taken a left at Saskatoon and a right at Tuktoyaktuk..."
    
    
    by Jenn Scott
    
    Chapter 1
    ---------
    
         It was a typical night in the Warner Bros. Watertower.  Yakko was
    watching a Marx Bros. movie, complaining that Groucho stole his
    material from Yakko.  Dot was gleefully typing away on her laptop, chatting
    about Mel Gibson with some of her net.friends.  And
    Wakko...well, he was rummaging through the garbage again.
    
         "Found it!" Wakko exclaimed, holding up a twisted paper clip.  "I
    knew Brain had tossed that, after his time travel bit..." he mumbled
    as he walked over to a very strange looking contraption.  Stretching
    his arm, he placed the clip in the innards of the machine.  "Finished!"
    
         Yakko and Dot exchanged looks.  They were used to their brother's
    strange behavior.  Silently, they debated about asking Wakko what he
    was doing.  Nodding in agreement, they walked over to him.
    
         "@@@@h...so what is it, brother sibling?" Yakko inquired, peering
    curiously at the whatever-it-was. 
         "It's my latest invention.  I call it...the multispacial
    teletransductor!  Do you like it?"
    
         "Um, it's very nice, Wakko," Dot answered.  She muttered to Yakko,
    "I think he's been spending to much time at Acme Labs.  He's starting
    to talk like Brain."  Louder, she continued, "So, um...what does it do?"
    
         "It had better be better than last time...you know, the whoopie
    cushion device with the long name in 'Wakko's Gizmo'?  Granted, the free
    pizza would have been nice, if you had shared it with us..." Yakko griped.
    
         Crestfallen, Wakko explained, "Well, all it does is let you go into
    your favorite tv shows and interact with the characters.  It's not as
    funny as the wakkogulufied transgobulator.  Oh well, back to the drawing
    board..."
    
         "No, wait!" Yakko exclaimed.  The wheels in his heard were turning
    furiously, as all could plainly see.  "This has a lot of potential. We've
    done parodies before, but this would take it to a whole new level.  This
    could be even better than that rabbit's movie!  Exactly how does it work,
    Wakko?"
    
         "Well, you pick what show you want to enter, set the tv to that
    show, and press this button on the teletransductor's remote.  A fixed
    portal is opened...that means that we have to enter and exit from the
    same place," Wakko explained to his confused siblings.  "We go through,
    and have fun.  The portal will be dormant until I press the button again,
    which reactivates it so we can go home."
    
         "Thank you, Wakko, for teaching the readers lots of new words! Anyway,
    sounds great...what show, guys?  I vote for..."
         Dot interrupted Yakko.  "I get to pick."
         "Why?" the boys chorused.
    
         "Because I'm cute.  Besides, I haven't gotten my quota of hunks
    this season, as specified in my contract.  Also, the writer of this fanfic
    says so," she answered.
         "Oh...good answer, good answer!"
    
         Dot grabbed the tv listings and flipped through them, pausing at
    the listing for Friday, 8 pm, CBS.  Smiling, she showed the entry to
    the boys.  "That's the one."
    
         "Due South?  Isn't that the one with the Mountie?" Yakko asked.
    
         "Yeah...Fraser's dreamy.  I've got to meet him.  Besides, you guys
    will like Elaine, and we can play with Dief, and Wakko can worship the
    Riv, and..."
         "Okkay, we get the picture, sis.  Wakko, go to it!"
    
         Grinning, Wakko rushed to the tv and changed the channel to CBS.
    On screen was a tall, dark haired, strongly built Mountie, in full dress
    reds, talking to a slender, balding, sharp faced man wearing baggy yet
    stylish clothes.  A predominantly white furred wolf sat next to the Mountie,
    gazing around for either trouble or food.
         "Ready?" Wakko asked.
         "Ready!" Yakko and Dot chorused.
    
         With that, Wakko pushed the button on the remote.  A silvery, swirly
    hole appeared in midair in front of the tv.
    
         Looking nervous, Yakko queried, "Are you sure it's not set to Deep
    Space Nine?  That looks like a miniwormhole to me."  Wakko glared at
    him briefly.  The Warners joined hands, took deep breaths, and stepped
    into the portal.
    
    Toon South
    or
    "We should've taken a left at Saskatoon and a right at Tuktoyaktuk..."
    
    by Jenn Scott
    
    Chapter 2
    ---------
    
         Inspector Meg Thatcher sat at her desk, filling out paperwork. 
    As she proceeded with the administrative details of running the Canadian
    consulate in Chicago, she pondered the latest report she had received
    on the "problem" member of her staff.  "If only he would just stick to
    his job," she thought.  "It's not his job to clean up America.  It would
    be so much easier if he wasn't playing guardian angel..."
    
         She was shaken out of her reverie by the appearance of a silvery,
    swirly hole, hovering right in front of her desk.  As sudden as the hole
    appeared, it disappeared, leaving three very odd looking creatures in
    its wake.  The...whatever-they-weres were black furred, with long black
    tails and while glove-like paws.  Their white faces had large black eyes
    and large, round, red noses, almost like clown noses.  The tallest one
    only wore long beige pants, held on by a belt.  The next largest wore
    a red baseball cap, backwards, with his ears sticking out of holes cut
    in it, and a blue sweatshirt.  The smallest wore a pink skirt and had
    a flower bow tied around her ears.
    
         The two males looked at Thatcher.  Immediately, they jumped into
    her arms, clasped their hands around her neck, and cried, "Helloooo Nurse!"
    
         "I'm not a nurse, I'm an inspector," Thatcher indignantly snapped
    at them, as she attempted to pry two pairs of two dimensional arms off
    her neck.  Suddenly, she realized that they were two dimensional.  They
    almost seemed to be made of ink and paint, in fact.  "What are you?!?"
    she asked, completely bewildered.  "Who are you?"
         "We're the Warner Brothers!" the two replied.
    
         "And the Warner Sister," added the female.  "To answer your first
    question, we're Warners, or just plain cute.  No need for the fans to
    start arguing that one again."  Suddenly, Dot frowned in recognition.
    "Guys, let go of her.  Trust me, that's TDL."
         "TDL?!?" the rest of the room echoed, confused.
    
         "It's short for The Dragon Lady.  That's one of the acronyms the
    net.fans call her.  I know.  I'm on the mailing list for the show under
    my net.alias," Dot explained.
    
         The brothers quickly let go of Thatcher, as Thatcher fumed. "Fans?
    What are you talking about?  And what was that hole in the air that you
    popped out of?" she asked.
    
         Wakko replied gleefully, "Oh, that was just the portal from our
    show to yours.  I like the swirly bit.  Did you?  I made it myself,"
    he added proudly.
    
         "Well, why don't you go back to where you came from, wherever that
    is?  I'm very busy, and you interrupted me."
    
         "We can't go yet!" Dot exclaimed.  "I haven't met Fraser yet. He's
    so fine..."  Her voice drifted off as she dreamed of her favourite Mountie.
    
         "You want to meet Constable Fraser, hmmm?  I should have guessed
    that he was involved..."   Frantically thinking, Thatcher thought of
    a very simple solution to the Warner problem.  Smiling, she picked up
    her phone.  "Constable, could you please come to my office?  Thank you."
    As she hung up, her smile turned into a wide grin.
    
         A moment later, a knock was heard at the door.  "Come in," ordered
    Thatcher.  The door opened, and the Mountie whom the trio had seen on
    tv walked into the room.
    
         Dot's eyes lit up.  She leapt at the startled Mountie and planted
    a kiss right on his lips.  "Hellooo Mountie Nurse!" she exclaimed.  The
    poor Mountie stood there in shock.
    
         Thatcher casually remarked, "Constable Fraser, I'd like you to meet
    the Warner Brothers."
         "And the Warner Sister," added Dot.
         "I'm Yakko!"
         "I'm Wakko!"
    
         "And I'm cute, but you can call me anything you want, honey, except
    late to lunch."  At her brothers' dirty looks for using that old line,
    she added, "Actually, I'm Dot."
    
         Still stunned, Fraser replied, "Constable Benton Fraser, RCMP. It's...it's
    a pleasure to meet you."
    
         Dot sighed, "Don't you just love polite men?"  At that, Fraser blushed
    and the boys giggled.  Thatcher kept grinning at Fraser's reactions to
    the Warners.
    
         "Fraser, the Warners are...are ambassadors from another dimension,
    evidently.   They just appeared out of thin air.  They mentioned that
    they wanted to meet you, and I am far too busy to watch over them myself,
    so you are to watch the Warners until they wish to return to their home,"
    Thatcher ordered.  The normally unflappable Fraser's jaw dropped, but
    he quickly attempted to regain his composure.
         "Yes, sir, understood, sir," Fraser replied.
         "Fine.  Dismissed."
    
         As Fraser walked out, dragging the Warners with him, Thatcher heard
    him mutter, "I can handle this.  I can.  I'm a Mountie." 
    Chuckling at his determination, she returned to her work.
    
    Toon South
    or
    "We should've taken a left at Saskatoon and a right at Tuktoyaktuk..."
    
    by Jenn Scott
    
    Chapter 3
    ---------
    
         It was a beautiful Chicago afternoon.  Well, as beautiful as it
    could be in Chicago.  It was one of those days where you just have to
    be outside.  Unfortunately for Ray Vecchio, he had paperwork to finish
    from his last case, and was stuck inside.  Until lunchtime, that is.
    
         Ray stepped out of his 1972 Buick Riviera, smiling as he took a
    deep breath of not-so-fresh air.  He scanned the street as he tried to
    figure out what he wanted to eat.  Suddenly, he spied a familiar figure
    down the street.
         "Fraser!  What happened, the Dragon Lady let you out of the
    dungeon?" Ray asked, surprised to see his friend out of the consulate
    when he knew that Fraser was working.  He was even more surprised by
    Fraser's expression.  Usually, Fraser seemed completely imperturbable,
    as if nothing could shake him.  Now, however, he looked frazzled.  Ray
    was concerned.  "Geez, you look like a wreck!  What happened, Benny?"
    
         "They happened, Ray."
         "Who?"
    
         On cue, the Warner siblings popped into view.  They were riding
    Fraser's wolf, Diefenbaker.  Poor Dief's expression mirrored his
    master's.  Dot glanced over and spotted Ray.  "Hey, it's our favorite
    cranky Chicago cop!  Hi, Ray!" she shouted.
    
         Ray's jaw dropped.  He stared at the Warners for a few seconds.
    "Oh my God," he whispered, "it's the Warners."
    
         Fraser examined the expression of awe on Ray's face.  "You know
    who, and for that matter, what they are, Ray?" he queried.
    
         "Yeah, I've seen their show.  My nieces and nephews watch it, and...well,
    they got me hooked on it.  Animaniacs is an excellent cartoon.  You'd
    like it, Benny."
         "You watch cartoons, Ray?"
    
         "Hey, they're not just for kids anymore.  Half of the jokes and
    cultural references just fly over their heads.  I'll have to show it
    to you sometime.  Hey, how did they get here, anyway?"
         "It seems that Wakko invented a device that can open
    interdimensional portals.  He claims that they can only enter
    television programs with it, which is silly, since we're not a tv show."
    
         "Yeah, like anyone would want to watch a show about us.  So, they
    got here.  Then what?"
         "Recap time!" the Warners shouted.
    
         "They arrived in Inspector Thatcher's office.  She ordered me to
    watch them.  Ray, they're impossible.  They destroyed my office.  Then,
    they wanted to meet Dief, so I brought them to my apartment.  Dot redecorated
    it.  It is now pastel pink, Ray.  Poor Dief is being turned into a riding
    animal, and now they want a giant tub of ice cream.  I hesitate to think
    about what they will do with it."
         "Ah, Wakko'll just eat the thing whole, cardboard and all."
    
         "Speaking of Wakko, can you explain why he sounds remarkably like
    Ringo Starr while his siblings clearly sound American?"
         "No one knows.  They've never explained that."
         "Ray, you understand the Warners, right?"
    
         "Um, well, as best as they can be understood.  They are toons, after
    all.  They're supposed to be zany.  It's in their theme song." 
         "Don't get me started about the musical travesties I have heard
    today, Ray.  I asked them about being toons, and Yakko replied by destroying
    Gilbert and Sullivan."
    
         Ray studied his friend.  Fraser prided himself on being able to
    handle any situation, but he really needed help this time.  "I'll tell
    you what, Benny.  I'll help you watch the Warners."
         "You will?" Fraser replied, astounded.
    
         "Sure.  It would be an honor.  Besides, then I don't have to finish
    my paperwork."
         "Ray..."
    
         Ray noticed that the Warners had dismounted from Dief and had crept
    over to listen to the conversation.  Grinning at them, he added, "Of
    course, that is if they want me tagging along..."
    
         Dot replied, "Sure!  I told Wakko about the Riv.  He's dying to
    see it.  Besides, I'd love to meet Elaine and chat with her about men,
    and check out the rest of the precinct, and..."
    
         "Whoa a sec, Dot," Ray interrupted.  "A few things first.  I know
    you guys can behave when you want to.  I've seen 'Taming of the
    Screwy'.  Good episode, by the way."
         "Thanks!" the siblings chorused.
    
         "Anyway, you have to promise to behave in the Riv and in the precinct
    if you want me with you.  I want to hang out with you, but I don't want
    to get fired.  As for the Riv, well, Dot evidently knows how I feel about
    it."
    
         "Yeah, guys, don't mess with the Riv," Dot warned her brothers.
    "That car is sacred territory."
    
         "Sooo...you guys promise to behave?  Show me your hands, guys,"
    Ray asked.
         As the Warners showed him their non-crossed fingers, they
    answered, "We promised to behave."
         "You swear to this on your pay-or-play contracts?"
         "We do!"
         "Okay, folks, hop in.  Next stop, lunch!"
    
    Toon South
    or
    "We should've taken a left at Saskatoon and a right at Tuktoyaktuk..."
    
    by Jenn Scott
    
    Chapter 4
    ---------
    
         Acme Labs was packed with busy scientists.  All were bustling about,
    examining diagrams and charts of the multispacial
    teletransductor.  Thaddeus Plotz, the C.E.O. of Warner Bros., had called
    in Acme Labs to examine the device when Dr. Otto von
    Scratchnsniff, the studio psychiatrist, had gone to check on the
    Warners and had found that they were gone.  Plotz was worried.  He knew
    the havoc that the Warners could wreak from first hand experience, and
    was determined to find out what had happened to them and where they had
    gone.
         Unbeknownst to the frantically working mad scientists, the
    question of what Wakko's new gizmo was had already been solved by a member
    of the lab staff.  However, that staffer would never tell them this.
    Besides, they would never think to ask him, since he was one of the white
    lab mice.
    
         The mouse in question peered at the busy scientists and chuckled
    to himself.  The mouse was short, with a crooked tail, perfect for picking
    the lock on his cage, and an oversized head.  His chuckle startled his
    cagemate, a taller mouse with a vacuous expression.
    
         "What's so funny, Brain?" asked the taller mouse.  He had an indeterminate
    accent, sounding somewhat Cockneyish, but not quite.  The other mouse
    turned to reply.
    
         "Look at them, Pinky."  Brain's voice, reminiscent of the late Orson
    Welles, resonated throughout the cage.  "The fools!  They cannot figure
    out what such a simple device is, much less the plethora of uses it has.
    I have decided on a plan for tonight."
         "Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?" Pinky asked,
    puzzled.
    
         Exasperated, Brain replied, "The same thing we do every night, Pinky,
    try to take over the world!  Now, here's my plan.  We shall use the multispacial
    teletransductor to enter popular television shows. There, we shall sabotage
    the shows, provoking the viewers into becoming an angry mob.  An angry
    mob, which shall support me, for I will be the only one who can return
    to them their favorite shows.  With the masses following my every wish
    to be able to keep what passes as
    entertainment, I will rule all!"
    
         "Oh, brilliant, Brain!  Great idea...no, wait, how will we mess
    up the shows?"
    
         "Simple, Pinky.  We shall use my latest invention...the humanotoon
    transmogrifier.  This can turn an nontoon human into a toon, and vice
    versa.  The now toon stars will create chaos on the shows.  When the
    public acquiesces to my whims, I shall restore the stars to normal."
    
         "Poit!  You never cease to amaze me, Brain."
    
         "I'm afraid I always will, Pinky.  Now, the Warners have provided
    us with a perfect opportunity to test my plan.  I have researched the
    program they entered.  Due South fans, or DueSers as they prefer to be
    called, are rabid fanatics.  They forced CBS to bow to their will and
    bring back the show in America.  Of course, with CBS's fall lineup, that
    wasn't hard to do.  The DueSers are fervent in their devotion to the
    show, and will do anything to keep it.  Therefore, we shall follow the
    Warners, and turn the lead characters into toons.  Pinky, are you pondering
    what I'm pondering?"
    
         "I think so, Brain, but where will we find Cool Whip (TM) and rubber
    shorts at this hour?"
    
         Brain's face blanked for a moment.  "Pinky, your logic is probably
    the only mystery I shall never solve.  Come, make haste.  To the
    Watertower!"  Brain deftly picked the lock on the cage with his tail
    as Pinky grabbed the humanotoon transmogrifier.  Quietly, the intrepid
    mice ducked into the shadows and left the lab.
    
         Soon thereafter, Pinky and the Brain arrived at the WB Watertower.
    Stealthily, they crept past Ralph, the moronic guard, and into the Watertower.
    Out of nowhere, Brain whipped out a replica of the
    teletransductor's remote control and pushed the proper button.
    
         "Naaaarrrf..." Pinky drawled in amazement at the portal.  "Isn't
    it pretty, Brain?  All swirly and shiny..."  Pinky stared at the
    portal, enraptured by its beauty.
    
         "It's lovely, Pinky," Brain replied as he dragged his awestruck
    colleague through the portal.  They arrived in Thatcher's office, which
    was empty.  Running to the door, they peered out into a quiet hallway.
    Quickly, they snuck out, in search of the show's heroes.
    
    Toon South
    or
    "We should've taken a left at Saskatoon and a right at Tuktoyaktuk..."
    
    by Jenn Scott
    
    Chapter 5
    ---------
    
         Lieutenant Harding Welsh trudged up the stairs to work, wishing
    that he didn't have to be there on such a nice day.  In one hand was
    a cup of coffee, and in the other was his dessert, a chocolate frosted
    donut with sprinkles.  He paused before the door to his department, sipped
    his coffee, and took a bite out of his donut.  Suddenly, he was startled
    out of his dessert reverie by a commotion on the other side of the door.
    He opened the door and beheld utter chaos.
    
         The squad room had been transformed from a normal, drab, office
    area into a pastel blue space filled with soft, plushy chairs and sofas.
    Elaine Besbriss, the Civilian Aid officer, was attempting to type at
    her computer while Wakko clung to her neck, drooling over both her and
    her computer.
    
         Yakko had cornered Detectives Jack Huey and Louis Gardino by their
    desks.  "So, you're Huey and Louie?  Where's Dewey?" Yakko innocently
    asked.
    
         "Don't call us that, whatever you are," Huey warned.  "We hate that
    stupid bit."
    
         "Yaknow, I knew D*sney owned the Mountie license, but I didn't know
    that they were involved with American cops.  I should have
    listened to Slappy when she talked about you guys..."
    
         Frustrated, Louis picked up Yakko and snarled, "Shut up, you...you
    weirdo!"
         "I know you are, but what am I?" Yakko retorted.
    
         Bewildered, Welsh went over to break up Yakko and Louis, when he
    spied Fraser, Ray, Dief, and Dot.  Dief was now sporting little pink
    bows in his fur, and looked mortified.  Dot was showing off her new designs
    for Chicago police uniforms to Fraser and Ray.  Fraser and Ray wore identical
    expressions of shock.
    
         "They promised me, Benny, they promised me..." Ray muttered. 
         "They did behave in the Riviera, Ray."
         "Thank God for that miracle."
         Dot looked up at them.  "We did promise to behave.  We are
    behaving.  You just never specified how we're supposed to behave. We're
    behaving perfectly normally!"
    
         Welsh strode over to Fraser and Ray.  "So, you two are responsible
    for this mess?  Well, you are going to get these...these kids out of
    here, now!"
    
         "But, Lieutenant," Dot started, giving him her cutest, most- likely-to-break-hearts
    look.
    
         Unfortunately for her, Welsh was unmoved.  "Sorry, but you kids
    have singlehandedly brought this division to a grinding halt.  Vecchio,
    Fraser, get them out of here!"
    
         As Fraser and Ray attempted to round up the recalcitrant Warners,
    Pinky and the Brain snuck into the room, unnoticed in the chaos.  Brain
    surveyed his surroundings.  "Hmmm, Pinky, it seems that the Warners are
    doing a fine job of sabotaging the show on their own.  Our presence is
    almost superfluous.  However, we must seize the opportunity to test the
    transmogrifier.  Are you ready, Pinky?" Brain asked.
         "Ready, Brain!" Pinky joyfully replied.
    
         As if on cue, Fraser and Ray converged on Huey and Louis's desks,
    trying to get Yakko and conveniently ending up dead center in Pinky's
    sights.  "Now, Pinky!" Brain yelled.
    
         Pinky pulled the trigger on the humanotoon transmogrifier.  A beam
    of bright blue light shot out of the device, enveloping Fraser, Ray,
    Huey, and Louis.  The light blinded everyone, forcing them to shield
    their eyes.  When the light died down, the entire room did a double take
    and stared at the four victims.
    
         Brain was the first to come out of his trance.  "Success, Pinky!
    Now, let us make haste and return home."  Grabbing Pinky's long tail,
    he dragged his cagemate out of the room, still unnoticed in the
    confusion.
    
         The rest of the room kept staring in shock at the transformed victims.
    Where four humans had stood now stood, as if they were still human, a
    black wolf dressed in Mountie dress reds, a brown weasel in baggy black
    clothes, and two ducks in suits.
         Huey looked at his wings and webbed feet and asked the only
    question he could think to ask.  "What the heck happened to us?"
    
         Ray stared at his furry paws and realized the strange truth.  "Oh
    my God...we're toons."
    
    Toon South
    or
    "We should've taken a left at Saskatoon and a right at Tuktoyaktuk..."
    
    by Jenn Scott
    
    Chapter 6
    ---------
    
         Thaddeus Plotz was a very happy man.  His efforts in locating the
    missing Warners had paid off.  Acme Labs had sent back a detailed report,
    explaining Wakko's new gizmo, which he could understand since he had
    ordered the scientists to write in simple English.  They had also sent
    over a replica of the remote needed to work the device. Plotz gazed around
    him at his expert Warner Retrieval Team - himself, Ralph the Guard, Dr.
    Scratchnsniff, and the doctor's lovely and quite voluptuous assistant,
    Hello Nurse.  All had dealt with the Warners.  All knew the damage the
    Warners could do.  All were ready to recapture the Warners by any means
    necessary.  In other words, they were desperate toon people.  Plotz turned
    to face the television set.  Visibly steeling himself, he pressed the
    button to activate the portal.
    
         Meanwhile, back in Due South reality, Pinky and the Brain had successfully
    made it back into the Canadian consulate unseen.  Only one obstacle remained.
    Brain placed a finger in front of his mouth,
    gesturing to Pinky for silence.  Pinky, excitement in his eyes because
    everything was going so well, mutely nodded back.  Silently, Brain nudged
    open the door to Thatcher's office.
    
         Unfortunately, the office was not empty as it had been earlier.
    Thatcher caught the movement of her door out of the corner of her eye.
    Looking up from her work, she saw nothing.  Her suspicions became aroused.
    "This has been such a strange day," she thought.  "What now?" Standing
    up, she looked down at the floor and spied the two mice, who were sprinting
    for cover.  "Ugh, I hate mice," she muttered as she attempted to apprehend
    the fleeing rodents.
    
         Brain, being the genius that he was, had realized the danger far
    earlier than Pinky, who had stood there gaping wide eyed at Thatcher.
    Brain twisted his overly large head back to peer over his shoulder as
    he ran.  Suddenly, he saw Thatcher grab Pinky's tail and hoist him into
    the air.  Pinky grabbed at the humanotoon transmogrifier, trying not
    to drop it.  His finger squeezed the trigger.
    
         "No, Pinky!" Brain screamed, as the bright blue beam enveloped Thatcher.
    As his eyes cleared, he saw Pinky, back on the ground, staring upward.
    A loud, feral roar was heard from above.  "Where is that dratted mouse?"
    a rough female voice shouted.  Brain stared up to see a gigantic female
    dragon staring back down at him and said the only word that popped into
    his head.  "Run!"
    
         As the extremely large dragon searched for the mice, destroying
    the office and quite a bit of the surrounding rooms in the process, the
    portal flared to life.  The WB Studio Crew stepped through it.  Only
    years of experience with the carnage the Warners caused kept them from
    standing amidst the debris in shock.  Dr. Scratchnsniff commented in
    his thick German accent, "Vell, ve know zat ze Warners were here." 
         Loud growls were heard, forcing all to look up at the now
    rampaging dragon, who was still screaming about mice.  Plotz's eyes widened.
    He shouted, "A dragon!  A dragon!  A dragon!  A..."  As Plotz kept screaming,
    Dr. Scratchnsniff quietly asked, "Could someone please stop this man
    from yelling, 'A dragon!'?"  A large, heavy anvil dropped from thin air
    with a resounding clang on the C.E.O.'s fat head.  Dr. Scratchnsniff
    looked up and muttered, "Thank you."  Ralph, struggling, pushed the anvil
    off the now flat Plotz, who quickly reinflated back to his normal girth.
    
         Dr. Scratchnsniff said to Plotz, "Mr. C.E.O., I respectfully suggest
    zat ve contact ze authorities about..."  He was interrupted by a rain
    of bricks off to one side of them.  Frantically, Plotz shook his head
    in assent.  "Yes, yes, Doctor.  Now, let's get out of here!"  The team
    rushed away from the building.
    
         Back at the precinct, confusion still reigned.  Everyone babbled
    back and forth, trying to figure out what had happened.  "I swear, I
    heard Orson Welles right after all of this happened," Ray emphatically
    stated.
         "Ray, Orson Welles is dead," Fraser calmly replied.
         "But I heard him," Ray insisted.
    
         "I can't believe this.  As if the nickname wasn't bad enough," Huey
    quacked at his partner.  Louis's only response was to bang his fist against
    his desk in frustration.
    
         Welsh glared at the Warners.  "I don't know how you did it, but
    this must be your fault."
    
         Dot glared back.  "I didn't do it.  I like them the way they were.
    Mind you, Fraser's still dreamy...Yakko, did you do it?"
    
         "No, sister sibling.  I was being shaken by Louie, remember?" 
         "Wakko, did you do it?"
         "No, Dot, I was, um, busy watching Elaine type."
         "Watching her assets, you mean," Dot mumbled.  Louder, she
    continued, "You see?  We didn't do it.  So how can it be our fault?"
    
         "Ah ha!"
    
         All turned to investigate the triumphant shout.  Standing in the
    doorway were the Studio Crew, Plotz in the lead.  Yakko, Wakko, and Ray
    spied Hello Nurse and chorused, "Helllooooo Nurse!"
    
         Fraser shot his friend a disapproving glance.  "Ray, Ray, Ray..."
    he started, shaking his head.
    
         "Sorry, Benny, I just had to do that, you know?" Ray replied, no
    trace of apology in his voice.
    
         Hello Nurse turned her head to see who else had greeted her. Walking
    over, she ignored Ray and instead made a beeline for Fraser. "Hello,
    handsome," she purred at him.  "Care to go out to dinner?"  She pressed
    against him.
    
         Fraser's tail twitched.  "Um, well, I'm busy right now..." the Mountie
    stammered, eyes scanning about for help.
    
         Dr. Scratchnsniff came to his rescue.  "Miss Nurse, please.  Ve
    have business here," he primly stated.  Pouting, Hello Nurse stepped
    away from Fraser, who quietly sighed in relief.  He caught Ray's disgusted
    glare.
    
         "I can't believe you, Benny," Ray whispered.  "You are probably
    the only guy who would pass up a date with her.  Heck, I can't believe
    she was attracted to you, with that pelt of yours..."
         "Business, Ray.  We have a problem to solve first."
         "Whatever, Benny."
    
         Plotz coughed briefly to regain everyone's attention.  Pulling himself
    to his full, measly, height, he marched over to Welsh.
    "First," Plotz stated, "we are here to take the Warners home.  We profusely
    apologize for their actions.  We will take the appropriate measures to
    insure that this doesn't happen again."
         "Thank you," Welsh replied gratefully.  "Do you know..."
    
         Plotz interrupted him.  "Second, there is a dragon on a rampage."
    
         "What?!?" everyone in the room, except for the Studio Crew,
    chorused.
    
         "You heard me!  There's a dragon running around out there, back
    where we entered this strange world.  What are you going to do about
    it?"
         "Back where you entered..." Fraser murmured.  "Oh dear..."
         "What, Fraser," Welsh demanded.
    
         "If the interdimensional portal is fixed..." Fraser glanced at Wakko
    for confirmation.
         "It is.  Why?" Wakko asked.
    
         "Then the dragon is in, or around, the Canadian consulate.  Now,
    when we were transformed, the transformation was dictated by outside
    influences.  Huey and Gardino became ducks because of their nickname."
    
         "That, and because the author of this fanfic thought it would be
    a great gag," Yakko interjected.
    
         Fraser continued, "Ray became a weasel since he happen to bear a
    passing resemblance to one."
         "Hey, I do not normally look like a weasel!" Ray objected.
         "As for myself..."
    
         "We get the idea, Fraser," Welsh interrupted.  "I think it's fairly
    obvious why you're a wolf."
    
         Yakko muttered, "Although I'm surprised he's not Dudley Dooright."
    
         Louis looked at Yakko.  "Well, there's one thing we agree on," he
    whispered to Yakko in response.
    
         "Therefore, if this dragon was also once a human, and is located
    at the consulate..." Fraser paused, waiting to see if anyone else would
    make the connection.
         Dot and Ray both exclaimed, "It's Thatcher!"
         "Exactly, since Ray calls her Dragon Lady," Fraser agreed.
         "Geez, Fraser sounds like Brain," Yakko muttered.
    
         Ray paused, catching Yakko's comment.  "Of course!" he shouted.
    
         "What?" everyone asked.
    
         "Brain...I swore I heard Orson Welles right after we were changed.
    Plotzy, who examined Wakko's device so you could figure out how to get
    here?"
         Plotz replied, "Acme Labs, of course."
    
         Excited, Wakko continued, "Which is where Brain lives!  He could
    figure out how my device works, and build something to turn people into
    toons easily!"
    
         "And, he sounds like Orson Welles!" Ray concluded triumphantly.
    "He must have tried to escape, and somehow Thatcher was changed.  She's
    probably trying to find him."
    
         "She vas screaming about mice ven ve arrived," Dr. Scratchnsniff
    thoughtfully added.
         "Brain is a mouse, Ray?" Fraser queried.
    
         "Yeah.  He's trying to take over the world.  Don't ask.  You don't
    want to know.  I'll explain later."  Ray glanced around the room. "Well,
    what are we waiting for?"
    
         As if Ray's words were spurs, the entire room was quickly emptied
    as everyone headed for the consulate and the final chapter to this fanfic.
    
    Toon South
    or
    "We should've taken a left at Saskatoon and a right at Tuktoyaktuk..."
    
    by Jenn Scott
    
    Chapter 7
    ---------
    
         Pinky cautiously poked his head out behind some rubble.  "Um, Brain,
    why don't I just change her back?" he asked, gesturing upwards at Thatcher's
    large form.  He shivered as he felt her eyes pass over the area where
    he and the Brain were hiding.
    
         "While that might extricate us from our present dilemma, Inspector
    Thatcher's rampage aids our goal.  If we are careful, we should be able
    to reach the portal safely without having to resort to that," Brain quietly
    replied.  "All we need is a distraction."
    
         As if on cue, the rest of our intrepid cast reached the former site
    of the consulate.  "Oh dear," Fraser said, gazing at the rubble. His
    fellow Mounties were huddled together, trying to figure out how to explain
    this one to Thatcher, not knowing that Thatcher already knew and in fact
    was the cause of the destruction.  Heading to a nearby fire escape, Fraser
    shouted to Ray, "I'll deal with Inspector Thatcher.  You find those mice."
    
         Nodding, Ray headed into the rubble.  His sensitive nose picked
    up a familiar scent.  Stealthily, he prowled around, hunting down the
    source.  Mentally, he grinned as he realized that he was acting like
    Fraser by using all of his senses to track down criminals.  A flash of
    white appeared before him.  Ray pounced on it, grabbing both Pinky and
    the Brain in one fell swoop.  "Going somewhere, boys?" Ray asked, grinning,
    as he carried them over to the crowd.
         "Why, yes ,we were..." Pinky began, stopping when the Brain
    elbowed him.  Pinky saw that the Brain's eyes were wide with fear. "What's
    wrong, Brain?" Pinky asked.
         "I think we made a fatal error, Pinky."
         "What's that, Brain?"
    
         "The humanotoon transmogrifier turned Detective Vecchio into a weasel.
    Do you know what weasels prey on, Pinky?"
         "Um...church benches, Brain?"
    
         "Your ignorance astounds me.  I meant prey as in eat, Pinky. Weasels
    prefer to eat rodents."
         "You mean..."
         "Yes."
         "Oh."
    
         Ray's grin grew even wider, exposing his teeth.  Both mice became
    terrified.  "Don't worry, boys.  I'm not going to eat you...yet.  It's
    back to your cage for you," Ray stated as he reached the gathering. Ralph
    the Guard opened a cage that had been picked up on the way to the consulate.
    Ray dropped the grateful mice into it.
    
         Meanwhile, Fraser had reached the roof nearest to the consulate.
    He noticed that Thatcher had been distracted by the crowd below.
    Adjusting his Stetson to insure that it would stay on, he leapt for Thatcher's
    neck.  He barely managed to keep his balance as she jerked her head around
    to stare at him.
         "Who...what are you?" Thatcher demanded.
    
         "Sir, it's Constable Fraser.  The device that has affected you has
    also changed me," he answered.
         "It has to be Fraser.  Only you talk like that."
    
         "Sir, you have to land.  You are causing massive property damage.
    I understand that you are searching for the perpetrators, but Detective
    Vecchio should have apprehended them by now, so there is no need for
    you to continue your search."
    
         For a moment, Fraser was worried that she wouldn't listen to him.
    After all, she was his superior.  However, her common sense must have
    told her that he was right, as he could soon feel them descending to
    the ground.  As soon as they landed, Thatcher muttered, "Fraser, get
    off of me."
    
         Blushing, he said, "Yes, sir," and quickly complied with her order.
    Looking at the crowd, he noticed the jailed mice.  "Ah, I see you were
    successful, Ray."
    
         Still grinning maniacally, Ray nodded.  Fraser noticed that Ray
    was hungrily staring at the mice, who were huddled in the corner of the
    cage farthest away from Ray.  "Ray, stop frightening them.  You can't
    eat them," Fraser admonished.
    
         "Well, if they don't turn us back...I am getting hungry, Benny..."
    Ray continued staring at the mice.
    
         "Gentlemice, I suggest that you change all affected by the device
    back to human, before Detective Vecchio does something all will
    regret," Fraser requested.
         "Do it, Pinky," Brain ordered.  Brain's posture, voice, and
    expression all showed his realization that his plan was foiled.
    
         The five victims gathered together.  Pinky aimed and fired at them.
    Within moments, all were restored to normal, to everyone's delight. 
    Pinky and the Brain were relieved by this, since they were no longer
    entrees to Ray.
         "Now, kidses, it is time to return home," Dr. Scratchnsniff
    stated.
         "But, we wanna stay!" the Warners whined.
    
         Fraser turned to look at the disappointed kids.  "You have to go
    home and dismantle Wakko's device.  Look at the damage that has been
    caused by its irresponsible use."
    
         Ray agreed, "You guys usually try to help if you've screwed up.
    This time, you screwed up big time.  I know you had fun, but..."  The
    scene around them spoke volumes.
         The Warners huddled together.  After a moment of frenzied
    whispering, they turned back to the crowd.  "You're right," Yakko admitted.
    "We thought it would be fun, but this isn't like real life." 
         "Actually, this is real life, Yakko," Fraser corrected.
    
         "Not for us, it isn't.  We can't get hurt, but you can.  You could
    have been hurt by falling bricks and other stuff.  Thankfully, no one
    was, but that was lucky.  If Pinky and the Brain hadn't followed us,
    this," Yakko gestured at the destroyed consulate, "would have never happened.
    Okkay, we agree to take apart the portal thingy and never use it again."
    
         Satisfied, the two men turned to the Studio Crew.  "I believe that
    you will have no problems getting them to go home, sir," Fraser said
    to Plotz.
    
         "Say goodbye to everyone, kidses," Dr. Scratchnsniff ordered the
    Warners.
    
         "Goodbye, everybody!  We had a wonderful time.  Thank you for having
    us over," the siblings replied automatically, and then
    tacklehugged Ray, Fraser, and Dief.  Wakko quickly pressed the remote
    button, and the Warners ran through the portal followed as quickly as
    possible by Ralph, who was still carrying Pinky and the Brain. 
    Plotz and Dr. Scratchnsniff shook hands with everyone and went through
    the portal.  Finally, Hello Nurse sauntered by Fraser on her way to the
    portal.  She snuggled up to him and handed him a business card.  She
    breathed in his ear, "Call me," and kissed his blushing cheek.  Both
    Elaine and Thatcher stared daggers into Hello Nurse's back as she sauntered
    through the portal, while Ray shook his head at his still blushing friend.
    
         Shortly before the portal closed, Thatcher surveyed the ruined consulate.
    "Who is going to pay for this?" she moaned.
    
         Yakko popped quickly back through the portal and ran to Thatcher.
    "Here, have a fat free yogurt," he said, handing her said object. Winking
    at Ray, who was laughing hysterically at the gag, Yakko ran back through
    as the portal finally closed.
    
         Shortly after Yakko returned, and after a nice lecture from Plotz
    and Dr. Scratchnsniff, the Warners watched the end credits of Due South.
    "So, sibs, what are we going to watch next?" Yakko asked. 
         "How about X-Files?" Wakko replied.
         The trio stared at each other, and then at the multispacial
    teletransductor.  They had promised to dismantle it, but they had a chance
    to meet Mulder and Scully...
    
    THE END!
    

* * *


End file.
